Grief, loss and healing can be a tricky thing. I'm learning it's all a process and not to be worried about my state of mind if I lose it here and there. Sheesh, what was i thinking....healing doesn't happen overnight. It's okay to be broken...and I am still dealing with that.
- I know, she's up in heaven, having a grand ole time. As I say that, I sit here imagining what heaven is like. Wow. My Abigail has a front row seat! God is loving on her with open arms. As much as I would like to have physical touch here too; I'm here on the other side of heaven, loving her in my heart, knowing she is in good hands. It is also helpful to know that she won't ever have to deal with the worries and cares of this world. As a mother to 2 other children that means so much. With the Lord's help we will raise our 2 beautiful lil' girls in a way that is pleasing to Him, and guard/protect them when it's in our power to do so. Everything else, I can rest assured that the angels and God himself has our backs!
Through this I've realized that God is after my whole heart. He wants me to take him to those deep places in my heart/soul. I can't think of any deeper place in my heart than the places my children hold. Now that there is this void and pain...I need and I must surrender it to God to fill it, like only he can. Being a Christian, I know that....with our human nature, it's just hard to fully surrender b'c it means you handing complete control over to God. He is in control of everything anyways, so not surrending to that authority is like saying..I'm God...which is as ridiculous as it sounds!
So, God, I give you my whole heart, come reside in those deep places and while your there heal the hurt. Phew, It is very scary and makes me feel very vulnerable..... but I now know, that I can fully trust Him. He is faithful, He is just, He is Love created and He is trustworthy!
"When God takes you to a new dimension in Him...he first shows you/teaches you a new way of worship." I heard that on an old praise and worship CD that I happened to stick in my Cd player while running errands around town the other day. It's so true. We all as Christians tend to get confused about what worship really is about. But, that's a whole 'nother topic for different day.
Perspective is an interesting thing. Events that happen to us/our personal experiences change and shape our perspectives.....So before we quickly jump to an opinion or conclusion about someone, something, or a situation....understand that perspective plays a big role. Although others my have it worse than you, or be better off than you (whatever your definition of that is)...their struggle/ situation is still their current reality and we must be sensitive to that. I've had to deal with this myself.
For example, When I hear or see someone that is pregnant, complaining about all their ailments (but yet are otherwise healthy with a healthy baby) something in me wants to rise up and say, "you know what, you should be thankful and not complain etc...." but that isn't right, is it? or seeing/viewing/listening to someone elses "drama" (which I completely dislike) and thinking to myself/ wanting to say, "your the problem...quit being stupid, making bad choices" but biting my tounge instead is hard to do. Our reality/experiences are different. Using wisdom and sharing a kind word goes a long way. (Proverbs has lots to say about that) Giving people mercy and extending grace to them is truly God's way. Can you imagine what he's thinking when we are being dramatic? LOL!
The examples could go on and on....regarding money, family, relationships, church, etc. Some are so silly, (in my perspective) it makes me wonder if people walk around looking to get offended. Or on the flip side, walk around aiming to offend others. Hmm...that's whole 'nother topic for a different day too. :)
Anyways, I'll end with this. God gave me this word and it's seems so simple but it has been so profound for me. He said, Michele- "Be still and know that I am God"
Later I googled it (b'c I know it had to be a scripture) and the verse is found in Psalms 46:10 (love Psalms, btw!) it says "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (NIV)
I sat in complete peace and awe in His presence. Through whatever situation I may be going through I can rest assured and be still. He is who He says He is. I can take Him at His word. He will be exalted in every situation. It's all about His Glory. And I will exalt Him with my life!
Here's a lil' tidbit....We can start trying to get pregnant again in the next few weeks. If I get pregnant right away, my due date will be Nov. 18th- the same day I delievered Abigail..............so we'll see.....
xoxo,
God bless! and Please excuse my ramblings and poor grammer!! :)
